Monday, January 18, 2010

Moment of Clarity

Education in our lives is always an obvious ‘choice’. From school to high school to college; you’re not really expected to think about the fact that you have to study, you just do. But after graduation, there is a possibility that you might have to pause and think, ask yourself where you want life to head. That’s when I decided I should study further. In retrospect, I realize that more than anything, I was looking for meaning. But a master’s degree in Sociology can’t really do much for anyone’s philosophical quest. All it can do is look pretty on the CV and get you a 5 figure salary. Not that, I was very hopeful about the job lending meaning to my existence but it was worth a shot. But as it turned out, that almost a year in the job and life seemed even more pointless. And today, when I’m back to doing something I really like (which should technically restore my faith in the world); I experienced life in its absolute meaninglessness. There is no point to anything; I don’t know what people are doing and where people are headed. I don’t know why there is any reason to wake up in the morning and go about doing things like we always do. And for a change, I don’t feel like I have a problem. I think there is something fundamentally wrong with the world and its ways. I don’t know why no one can change it. I guess agency and everything else around it is a myth. We’re not really agents of anything. We just go about living life in the setting we’re in and sooner or later, we shall all perish. I suppose everyone in life goes through this crisis at some point in their life. But I only just experienced it. Someday, I hope, you will too.