In retrospect, I have to admit that the year 2012 has been relatively hard on me. But along with that, some wonderful things have happened to me as well. I went for Vipassana; had the opportunity to stay in silence for 10 whole days and get exposed to the Buddhist technique of meditation. And along with it, a philosophy, a worldview.
We learnt it on Day 4 after much anticipation for 3 days. The first few days you're just wondering what exactly you're doing "watching" your breath and how exactly this observation of inhalation and exhalation is actually going to change your life. In any case, before we began, we were asked to stay still throughout the 2 hours of the process where the technique was being taught and to keep our eyes shut. Turns out, it isn't as easy as you might imagine to stay still for 2 hours. What's worse, the more closely you watch yourself, the more aware you are of every itch, every tiny tickle, every stretch, every ache, every pain. It's hard. But I remember that day vividly.
The 2 hours ended, and when I opened my eyes, I felt like something had changed in me. I was never going to be the same again. And that realisation has stayed with me. And the realisation has become deeper, by the fact that I realise that with every changing moment, we change as people. Often, we find ourselves repeating our actions, words, behaviours. We can't stop procrastinating, we can't stop ourselves from feeling bad about ancient break-ups, we can't stop aching for the friends we lost, the opportunities we missed, we're unable to change habits in ourselves that we so detest. We feel like we're doing the same thing and even that cycle of repetition is irritating. But perhaps, with every passing moment, we're that many moments away from that event, that habit, that loss, that pain. That moment has passed and so shall this one. It seems like it's the same, but may be it's not. It's only a matter of being aware and knowing, that this too shall pass. Someday you will not ache so deeply and some day we will learn to embrace life in its entirety.