As
a student in school as well as in college, I took pride in being the in-house
teacher for my class mates. Several children experience difficulty in asking
questions in class for they are worried their questions are silly and people
may think they’re dumb. But with me, they were happy to ask whatever they
wanted and I was happy to help. It’s not just my messiah complex, but I
genuinely enjoy teaching. In fact, the prospect of teaching somebody else makes
me push myself. I question my intellect “Do I really know this?” and work extra hard to obtain absolute clarity.
It’s pleasurable. Too bad I didn’t want to become a teacher by profession. I
guess I felt it came to me so naturally that there would be no real challenge
in doing something you are already good at?
In
any case, I’m terrified of public speaking. I even repress memories of the few
times I’ve actually had to address an audience, be it a classroom or just
office colleagues. It only involved me being unable to prepare for I’m too
inconfident about everything I plan to say. “Is
this what I really want to say? Does this really mean this? Am I too fast? Is
this unclear? Is this unstructured?” Classic case of performance anxiety.
It
is only recently that I decided that it was time I stopped being so scared. May
be I do have something to offer to a student. I believed my gut and applied to
a coaching institute offering to teach sociology to their students. They
readily agreed. In fact, they want me to teach some other general stuff as
well. Woohoo! I went home happy. In any case, this is to start only a month
later, thus leaving me with enough time to prepare myself for the exercise.
The
next day, the lady from the institute calls and says, “Hey are you free to take
a class tomorrow?”
Me
on the other side of the phone “Umm tomorrow? (Always pays to sound like an
eager beaver when it concerns a prospective job…dam) Yeah, sure!”
Lady:
“Okay see you at 7:30 AM tomorrow”
In
such a situation, what should someone be doing? Start preparing immediately,
perhaps! But what do I do? Just prance around the house restlessly, tire myself
out and sleep off. I’m so hyper that I’m dysfunctional to even prepare for
class.
It
is only by 11 PM that I decide that it’s high time I get my act together. Somehow,
in an hour’s time I conclude that I know everything I need to know and all I
need is a sheet of paper with pointers about what I’d like to say. I thought,
if I don’t know what the students don’t know, how can I even prepare?”
I
reach class to see my “students” who are only a year or two younger than me. Gulp!
The
class began; at first I was a little confused. I had to stop a couple of times
to ask if they were on the same page as me. Luckily, the class was interactive
and had more gyaan to offer than I
did. Fortunately, none of it was refined enough. Once I figured what it is I
knew more than them, it was easier to proceed. No one beats me at political
correctness and that’s all I had to teach them. They’re going to need it to
take the exam anyway. Soon, I got a grip and next thing I notice is that people
are taking notes in my class!
When
the class was over, I was elated. I was the same person who always feared
making presentations in class, struggled to articulate what I wanted to say and
was usually the student no teacher ever noticed, only because I made myself
invisible even as I sat on the first bench, always.
And
here I was, taking a class on Indian Society. A remarkable leap I say, iFear to
iCan!
oh my! I am crazy sacred all the time when it comes to presentations too.. and I did have my 'moments of silence' in the past while presenting ..
ReplyDeleteI am happy you conquered your fear.. It's time I conquered mine
:)
ReplyDelete