Wednesday, February 16, 2011

A Fresh Start

As a child, I had a room which I shared with my sister. I’m not sure if it was her idea or mine, but very often we would rearrange the furniture to make the room look different. When the pushing, adjusting, cleaning, wiping and aligning was all done, we would breathe a sigh of accomplishment and part ourselves on the back. This strange desire has remained with me, until now, one of those quirks I haven’t grown out of. Every time life feels monotonous or too routinized or stagnating, I rearrange the furniture, spread new sheets on the bed, pile up some new books and knick knacks on the side table by the bed and voila, a rejuvenated soul and a clean slate to begin life.

For a week I have been overcome by this very urge, only exacerbated by the dysfunctional tube light above the bed. Of course lethargy got the better of me, but then again, I thought to myself: would a neatly ordered bedroom placate the disorder I feel inside? I guess not. So this time, I leave the piles of newspaper just where they have been for the last one month. I don’t bother folding the clothes and shoving them in the cupboard either. I think the dust settled comfortably on the photocopies would be terribly troubled if it was required to move some place else.

At some point in life you realize that it’s time you stopped deceiving yourself. No amount of people in life can compensate for the inadequacy you feel inside. And even if they do help you constitute your sense of self today, there is no certainty that tomorrow they will be there holding you or your self together. In which case, it’s time you looked in the mirror, see that what you rather not see and confront that which you hide behind sparkling eyes and infinite smiles. Sooner or later, you’re bound to make progress. I'll start by purchasing a new tube light.


  1. hmmm... there are only so many table tops you can dust, so many clothes you can wash, so many cobwebs you can destroy before life's larger concerns catch up...
    still, me thinks its a good way to remind oneself that there are some problems that we can handle... becomes easier to make peace with that which we'd "rather not see"...

  2. I do agree with ur point, in that, you cannot cheat urself anymore by believing that the inadequacy u feel inside cannot be compromised by a nouvelle exterior.. but if a re-arranged room, with a fresh look replete with a colorful bedspread (new always looks different and pleasing to the eyes) and re-arranged set up of furnitures and new books, would give u happiness to settle in home once back from the outside world, then definitely u r not cheating urself of happiness, thats what ur mind is genuinely feeling. that said i also noted that u r planning to buy a new tubelight, so keep going with that trend :)